U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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