And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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