i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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