just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
