my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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