dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
