Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there was a trapeze. enough said
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
