I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
