I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
