biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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