you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
