It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
