Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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