Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
