I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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