So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
