Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
