I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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