Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize