I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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