your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
