Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
