I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
