I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
