if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
