i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
