I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
