matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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