do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
