Dude my mom stole all your condoms
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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