I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
