were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize