i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
