Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Is it penis luge time yet?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
