I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
