I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
