there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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