Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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