you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
