you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
