The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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