I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
