people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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