I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
