Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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