I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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