Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize