yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
