smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
