Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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