pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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