I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
