im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?