"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
