I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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