you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
