i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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