i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
