I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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