Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
