Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
